Its funny the way that life ends up going in circles. Just like fashion, bad habits like bellbottoms and skinny jeans just keep coming back into style. Earlier this spring I began working again as a consulting engineer (I had worked for three years for Burnside and Associates as an engineer and quit in the spring before last season to ski full time). In the job interview, I clearly stated that I was looking for part time or seasonal employment. As it turns out, I was hired full time, with the intent to see how things would work out. I gave myself a timeline to quit before the race season so that I could focus on what is really important to me right now - ski racing. A couple of months went by and I started to get into the swing of things and was working full time and training like I was training full time, and my general state of mind began to get very blurry. There was just not enough time in the day to accomplish all of the things that needed to be done. I felt angry that I couldn't get everything done, and that maybe if I just worked a little harder, I could fit it all in. What I had forgotten was that I was working to make enough money to ski, not the other way around.

The problem was that I really respected the people I worked with and for, and I really wanted to do a good job. Doing a good job requires more than just regular effort, and this is when having an 'A' type personality can sometimes be my downfall. I when remember a couple of years back my mom gave me a self-help book for 'A' personality types. I didn't learn too much from it at the time but since then I've been able to "down-size" my commitments and not work myself into a complete frenzy. The thing about habits and re-occurring trends is that you just cannot see it coming. I probably would have worked my body until it broke if it had not been for an intervention by my boyfriend. That is the really great thing about friends and boyfriends and coaches, they generally have an outside perspective that can save you from tumbling headfirst back into your bad habits.

I know that I have 2 years to qualify for the Olympics and the rest of my life to work as an engineer, so I needed to make some priorities clear in my head. I needed to start with being honest with myself on what I really wanted to achieve and how I expected to achieve this. Once that was all thought out, it was time for some real action. It was then that I had a serious case of deja vu. Was I really going to quit my job again? Was it this hard last time? I couldn't believe that I was in the same place saying the same words over again. I was starting to feel like a 'quitter'. That is the absolute worst trait that I would want to be associated with. It goes against everything that I was taught and believe in. In my family no matter how hard it is or what the circumstances are, there is no excuse for quitting.

I headed into my bosses office with sweaty palms and a strange nervousness of not wanting to let him down. He was very understanding and gave me a leave of absence and asked me to come back after the race season. So here I am again, feeling like I just got away with some sort of mastermind crime. Like life shouldn't ever get this good, it should be hard and stressful and painful. Well, I am happy to report that sometimes it does get this good; I am in Silver Star and the snow is fantastic and I am in the best shape of my life. I am going to revel in all of it, because you just never know what circle is going to come around next.